Hello there!!!
It has been a loooong time since my last blog. Life kind of got in the way! Anyways, I am reaching the end of my first semester here at New Mexico State University and so far all day I have been thinking about what I've done here. What did i accomplish? How did i change? What did God do through me?
Sadly, I didnt have very good answers to those questions. I woke up today realizing that I didnt do much this semester. I still had a great time but that was when i was in class and working in my labs. Outside of that I didnt really do anything. I never really got involved. I tried a few times but its weird being the "new girl" or the "outsider" im not used to that and it is hard when you dont have someone to go with. Yeah i still had friends from all my classes but the support like I had back home was missing. I pretty much took a break from everything. From who I really am and from God.
Before going away to NMSU I promised myself that i wouldnt be included in the statistic of adults who stray from their faith once they enter college. Sadly I was. Im not saying I was out partying, drinking and doing drugs but I wasnt necessarily living my life for God. I entered the "luke-warm" stage which is right where I promised myself i wouldnt go. I didnt realize how hard it would be once i left the support I had back home. My first year at Chandler-Gilbert Community was easy but coming here was a whole new ball game. No longer did I have my home of Sun Valley to go to every Sunday, the support of a small group or my regular Starbucks dates with my mentors. And me being stupid and prideful thought I could still manage on my own here without getting involved in a Christian group on campus or going to church on Sundays. Yeah, for those who think you can do that, take it from my own crash and burn experience, you cant.
SO this is me being honest and vulnerable.
Like Matthew West says in his song Strong Enough,
"Maybe that's the point,
To reach the point of giving up
Cause when I'm finally,
Finally at rock bottom Well,
that's when I start looking up
And reaching out."
Im tired of riding my spiritual roller-coaster. One month im on fire for God and the next i dont even know who He is. Im done with that. I dont want to feel empty or lost anymore. Ive hit my rock bottom, i know im not strong enough to do this alone so im reaching out, swallowing my stupid pride and asking for help. (which is one thing i am sooooo not good at. I HATE opening up and asking for help so this is a big step for me) Luckily I have an amazing boyfriend and awesome girl friends who are helping me though this. Holding me accountable and telling me whats up.
now that ive gotten this off my heart, its time to go study for finals!
love you all so much!!
-em
p.s. Please keep me and my spiritual walk in your prayers. Its tough out here, but with your help and me giving up trying to do it alone, I know I can do this!
"Send me a sign
A hint, a whisper
Throw me a line
'Cause I am listening
Come break the quiet
Breathe your awakening
Bring me to life
'Cause I am fading
Surround me with the rush of angels' wings
Shine Your light so I can see You
Pull me up, I need to be near You
Hold me, I need to feel love
Can You overcome this heart that's overcome?"-Shine by David Crowder Band.<3
I'm proud of your for putting this out there and being honest. Being intentional with your faith can be really difficult when you're taken away from what grounded that into you to begin with. I can't wait to sit face-to-face to talk with you about all of this. I will be praying for you and I love you dearly.
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