Its like my eyelids are glued to the top of my forehead...

hello there!!

i dont even know where to begin....its been like a month now since i lost Sam. sleep has yet to be consistent for me. i just lay there. eyes wide open. thinking. thinking about the good times with Sam. thinking about the times i wasnt able to be there and keep her company in the hospital and how much i would give to go back and relive those days. thinking about the last time she came down to visit. thinking about the letter i got a few days before she passed. thinking about how peaceful she looked at her memorial. thinking about how she is up in heaven now, chillin with Jesus. just thinking. my mind wont let me sleep.

the days are getting easier. My good days are starting to over take the bad ones. but every now and then the bad ones kinda just sneak up on me and BAM! ruin everything. stupid bad days. but those are to be expected i guess.

earlier today while out drivin, i was thinkin about the day of Sams memorial. during her service, they had a time when we were allowed to stand and share a favorite memory we had with Sam. well, seeing as how i was balling my eyes out, i was unable to share one of my favorite memories wither her. i really wanted to so now ill share it on here. It was way back when we were probably in like 5th or 6th grade and it was during one of the awesome summer trips her family let me come on. Sam loved roller coasters and scary rides so she loved going to theme parks. Pretty sure we were at Knottsberry farms and she wanted to go on the drop ride but i was too scared. She begged me to go on it with her so i gave in and said yes. When we got on the ride, the side that we were on only had the two of us on it. The whole time while we were going up to the top, Sam and I were freaking out! we kept saying we loved each other and that if one of us died we would get each others stuffed animals and stuff like that. then we finally got to the top, we were holding hands so tight that our knuckles were white and BAM!! we dropped! and on the whole way down we screamed our heads off and laughed. It was so much fun. I can still remember her face, she had the biggest smile and was just so happy. When we got off, we rode it like 4 more times. thats just one of my favorite memories of Sam.

I wish you all could have met her. She was amazing. The best-EST friend anyone could ever ask for.

Sam, if there are rollercoasters in heaven, save me a seat!

peaces!
-em

"No smile is as beautiful as the one that struggles through the tears...." Love you Sam.