mixed emotions.

New Mexico? moving? leaving the place ive lived my entire life? saying goodbye? no thank you....maybe....i dunno...okay...

Now that this semester is over, time to start preparing for this coming fall semester....at New Mexico State University. For the past couple years, NMSU has been the dream. Ive talked about going there since like freshman year. But now that its actually happening is freaking me out. It was so easy to talk about it and be ok with leaving when it was 4 years away, 3 years away but now that its like 3 months away, its crazy..and ive definitely got mixed emotions about it. I know im going, i want to go but i dont want to have to say goodbye to everything here...

I started packing up my room yesterday. I have 4 categories, stuff im taking to my doorm, stuff im pitting in storage, stuff im taking to the house in NM and stuff im throwing away or getting rid of. I never thought how depressing packing would be. I find myself just sitting on my floor, staring at the empty walls thinking about all the memories ive had not only in my room but in my house. most depressing thing ever. i even told myself that i wasnt going to NMSU anymore, its just too hard. But, its what i really want to do, even though its going to suck for a bit.

life right now seems to be moving at super speed, not stopping for anything. Im going away to school. my parents are moving to NM. my brother is going off to NAU. my first year of college is complete. i leave for africa in like 18 days. everything is just going so fast. Sometimes i wish i could just pause it so i can stop and actually enjoy the day, instead of worrying about what i didnt get done, or what i need to do the next day. Summer is supposed to be fun, exciting, time to hang out with your friends and enjoy life not stress out about leaving your friends and pretty much your whole life for a brand new start. which im excited for yet scared outta my mind!!!

the only good thing about all this stress, is that it keeps my mind off of other things, like those stupid thoughts that pretty much torture myself. like how i didnt spend nearly enough time with Sam. how selfish i was that i didnt visit her in the hospital as much as i could because i was scared. thats the worst one. i put my feelings before hers. i was scared? who cares. she was scared! and she needed me. but, "im not supposed to think that way" an yada yada yada.

lifes just crazy!!! you gotta strap in and hang on for the roller coaster ride. but dont forget to throw your hands up in the air and enjoy it every now and then. you deserve it.

“A difficult time can be more readily endured if we retain the conviction that our existence holds a purpose – a cause to pursue, a person to love, a goal to achieve.”~ John Maxwell

that is all!
peaces!
-em