happy or sad?

so its been a week now...still not able to sleep. dont really eat much. I miss you Sam so much. During the day im fine, i can put on the fake act so people dont ask about it, but when night time rolls around, the pain and hurting start to creep in on me.

You were too young. I re-read the letter i just got from you every day. You were talking about getting better and how we were going to have our girls day soon...im so sorry i didnt get a letter back to you in time, i feel absolutely terrible for that. :/

i still cant believe youre gone. i dont know when that will ever set in...

during the day, i dont know whether to be happy or sad. Whenever i find myself smiling or being happy, i feel bad. I cant be happy right now, i shouldnt be. but then, you wouldnt want me to be sad and depressed all the time. its a lose lose for me. i dont know what to do. :/ I just wish you were here..wish i could talk to you one more time, wish i could hug you again. I need my Samantha Rae...