"an when im gone, just carry on, dont mourn rejoice every time you hear the sound of my voice. Just know that im lookin down on you smiling, and i didnt feel a thing so baby dont feel no pain just smile back..."-eminem.
Who would have thought that an Eminem song would get me through this. But, ive been singing this all day long. It gives me hope i guess or quiets the pain for a little bit.
Finally got some sleep yesterday, after a nice long phone call from a friend to get my mind off things before bed and some medicine did the trick. Slept for almost 11 hours!!! This may sound stupid, but sleeping with Sam's old teddy bear really helps too...And my 11 hours of sleep were actually peaceful, no bad dreams just sleep. It was just what i needed.
Then today was going great until i cleaned my room. I found all the notes we wrote back in forth in high school, found the house key you guys gave me since i was over so much and watched the dogs all the time, found our old t shirts from the trips we went on, the wiener dog salt and pepper shakers that you got me... Finding all of these brought back good memories with you Sam, made me smile and even laugh, but then the pain crept in. the fact that i cant make anymore memories with you...Im tired of crying, im tired of being so weak and feeling helpless. just wish that would all go away! I go to text you, thinking that maybe, just maybe you will text back and tell me its going to be ok....
so here i sit, after a rough day, crying softly and thinking about the good times we had wishing i could go back just for a little bit to see you one more time. miss you girl. so much.
on a happy not, my dad came home early and surprised me! he wasnt supposed to get here till wednesday but SURPRISE! its good to have him back, i need my dad right now.
well, time to watch movies until its time for church tomorrow, well i guess later today! Cant wait to watch my brother play up on stage, i miss seeing that!
peaces!
-em
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